Pinoy Blabbermouth

Weekend at Cebu's Three-Tier Kawasan Falls

2012-01-31T22:36:00.000+08:00

How to Get There
From Cebu City, head to Cebu City South Bus Terminal (near E-mall) and board a non-aircon bus. There are two routes that you can take. One is from Cebu to Oslob/Bato then ride another bus going to Badian. The other one is from Cebu to Moalboal passing Barili along the way, which is the closest route (about 2 to 3 hours ride) compared to taking the 4-5 hour trip via Oslob-Bato. Terminal Fee at Cebu South Bus is PHP5.00 and the fare for the non-aircon bus going to Moalboal is roughly around PHP100.00.

Taking the shorter route, drop-off point is the town proper of Moalboal (look for the market). From there, you can take a multi-cab going to Kawasan Falls. You'll pass by the municipality proper of Badian and drop off at the Church of Matutinao, which is just along the highway.

Entrance Fee, Activities and Other Expenses at Kawasan Falls
Entrance fee to Kawasan Falls is only PHP10.00 per head but children below 7 years old can get in for free. A few hundred meters from the entrance, there is an open space where you can park your car (in case you'll bring one) but note that there's no security guard in the area. The area also has a lot of coconut trees so beware of falling coconuts. Park at your own risk.

Kawasan Falls is actually a three-tier falls varying in size. Each fall is distinct and certainly has its own charm. During my first and second visit at Kawasan Falls a couple years back, nothing much has changed but on my third, I got to visit what locals call as the "source" (more below).

Big Daddy Falls
After a 15-20 minute hike from the highway, you will reach the first fall. Adventure seekers as well as first-time hikers will find the terrain going to the first fall to be easy as you will pass along the riverside and a short uphill climb.

Aptly named by me for its sheer height and majestic beauty, this is where you find most people in the area. Tourists/travellers can rent a cottage for as low as PHP300.00 or a room for people who want to spend the night in the area for as low as PHP1,000.00 and above. Rooms can fit up to 10 people and are provided with basic necessities like the electric fan — there's no TV though.

People can also ride the raft made of bamboo for PHP300.00 an hour and stay right below the fall where you can get a massage from the falling water.

Be careful though when you go for a dive or for a swim. A few people already died here. Locals say that the place is guarded by engkantos but I believe those deaths only resulted from their carelessness and lack of common sense.

Twin Falls
The second fall, which at most times, less crowded than the first, takes about another 10-15 minutes. The terrain is definitely rough for first-timers and I advise those with elderly or children to keep them by your side at all times. The rugged terrain includes mostly of steep climbs using the stairs made of rock and clay — be careful especially when it is raining because it can get slippery.

Cottages, rooms and bamboo rafts are also available for rent at the same price to people who prefer to stay here. Likewise, life jackets are available for rent for PHP50.00.

People also died here.☺

Sauna Falls
To reach the third fall, it takes another 10-15 minute hike from the second. The terrain consists of an uphill climb, which is a little rough, but the rest are mainly concrete and grassy pathways and some boulders in the river. You'll also pass by a small dam with concrete stairways but be careful since the water from the dam make it slippery. The stairways are also steep so get hold of something and hang for dear life.

Five small cottages are also in the area for PHP100.00 each. Fresh buko (coconut) is also cheaper here (PHP25.00) compared to those sold at the 1st and 2nd falls (PHP50.00). There's no comfort room so you better empty your bladder before you visit here.

You need to cross the small bamboo bridge to get to the "sauna" or you can just swim across. This is perfect for people who want to take a dip in the cold water and relax after spending a lot of time and effort to reach here. There's also a small waterfall where you can bathe and have a soothing massage.

Mountaineers/hikers also pass by here occasionally since Kawasan is a famous exit trail from Osmeña Peak.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-

Watch out for my next post about my encounter with the whale sharks at Tan-awan, Oslob. If you have questions or feedback about Kawasan Falls, feel free to leave a comment below.

Journeying to the Red-Light District of Hongkong: No Tips. Just Pure Shenanigan.

2012-01-19T22:14:00.000+08:00

For no apparent reason during my last night in Hongkong, I couldn't sleep so I decided to leave my friends in the hotel and explored Mongkok's neighborhood for one last time. An hour later, I found myself lost in a street filled with blinking neon lights with pictures of half-naked women displayed at the sidewalk.

Right then, I knew I was in a different part of the city. See? Getting lost can get exciting.

Portland Street

Inspired ~~out of curiousity~~ with what I saw earlier during that day at Adam's Apple Bar in Nathan Road, Tsim Sha Tsui, I went farther to see what's on Portland Street.

Aside from the usual shops and restaurants in the area, massage parlors, karaoke bars, saunas, and brothels also flock the street. Dishing out which of these establishments are legit is fairly easy (and by legit, I mean those that offer clean fun). If you see people — especially women in kinky outfit, standing outside an establishment — then that's where miracles happen.

Take for instance the local who approached me while I was walking — who told me to go inside the bar where she was working for some "clean fun" — but her skimpy outfit and adam's apple on her neck told me otherwise.

Other Locations
Apparently, prostitution is legal in Hongkong but some say it's not. I don't know. Perhaps you can find out for yourself. One thing's for sure — soliciting for sex in public is illegal.

Aside from Portland Street, Temple Street, Tsim Sha Tsui, and Wan Chai are also other places where tourists go for some quality time. Cab drivers know exactly where so get to know one on Day 1.

Price Range

According to the locals that I've talked to (and surprisingly most of them speak good English), ordinary massage service range from HKD200 to HKD600 depending on where your masseuse's skin lie within the spectrum of human variation — the whiter and fairer they are, the more it will cost you.

Russians are the cream of the crop with a price tag of HKD590, Chinese/Hongkongers come in at second at HKD250 and, well, Filipinas and Thai at HKD200. Paying more will, of course, get you an "extra" mile.

How about you? Have you had any encounters with prostitution in a foreign country or even in the Philippines? Tell me about it below. Perhaps we can share notes?

More of Hongkong posts here:

Hongkong Travel: The Six Things You Need to Bring Before You Go
A Traveling Pinoy's Budget Rundown to Hongkong
Hongkong Itinerary (to be published soon)
How to Survive Hongkong's Subway System (to be published soon)

Note: This post does not promote prostitution in Hongkong but rather a call for Filipina prostitutes to fight for their right to move up the food chain. Lastly, the author preferred not to disclose the other events that transpired during that night. It is assumed that he got tired, went back to the hotel and slept it off.

Hongkong Travel: The Six Things You Need to Bring Before You Go

2012-01-13T00:30:00.000+08:00

Going on a trip to Hongkong for the first time but you're not sure what you need to bring? Here's a guide to what I think are the six essential things that you need to bring before you go to Hongkong. If you want to add something to this list, feel free to leave a comment below.

Camera
Camwhoring, anyone? It's every Filipino-on-Facebook's dream to have tons of pictures. Whether you have a compact point-and-shoot or a pricey DSLR, your vacation gives you all the excuses to capture those memorable moments and be a camwhore whenever you want, wherever you want.

I advise you to bring an extra memory card or a USB flash drive to store your pictures in case your camera runs out of memory storage.

You also need to bring along a durable camera bag.

Passport Holder
Aside from your passport, you also need something where you can tuck it -- something that's durable and within reach. A passport holder that can be worn around your neck or your waist is good since you'll be spending a lot of time going to places. Choose something that has pockets where you can also put your credit card, tickets, a durian-flavored condom or a few bills.

Rule of thumb: keep your passport with you at all times and never leave it anywhere -- not even in your hotel room.

Just in case you lose your Philippine passport while you're in Hongkong, you can read the Philippine Consulate's website for the things you need in lieu of a passport.

Hongkong Map
When we arrived in Hongkong, there were times that we got lost so knowing where to go in Hongkong is extremely important. While you're still in the Philippines, buy a map of Hongkong at your nearest bookstore and choose the one that also has the subway map. You'll mostly travel by train so you need to know where the train stations are. Maps are also available inside Hongkong's airport -- beside the Immigration counters, which are printed both in Chinese and English.

If you want to go high-tech, you can also download an offline map of Hongkong with CityMaps2Go on your iPhone/iPod.

Comfortable Pair of Shoes
You'll undoubtedly be doing a lot of walking in Hongkong so bring your most comfortable closed shoes or you can buy a good pair in Adidas/Nike stores scattered virtually everywhere (especially in Mongkok district) but I'm not sure if those are genuine. You know China.

You also need a few pairs of fresh socks. Hongkong can sometimes get humid and your feet might get sweaty while you're wandering around. Hygiene, guys.

And by the way, leave those flashy jejemon shoes if you have one.

Grounded BS-1363 Power Plug
One of the mistakes that my friends made was that they forgot that our power outlets are different in Hongkong. I was lucky that my iPhone came with the grounded BS-1363 power plug so I had no problem charging both my phone and my camera, which can also be charged through USB.

If you don't have this plug, you can buy the universal adapters sold in most hardware stores, which cost less than a hundred pesos.

Hongkong's electrical sockets supply electricity at between 220 and 240 volts AC so that won't be a problem.

Water Container
Lastly, it's extremely important that you're always hydrated so you need a clean water container. Pick something that is not too bulky for travel or you can buy those foldable water containers unless you're willing to buy a bottle of mineral water in 7/11 stores, which is pricey by the way -- around HKD5-6 for a small bottle (similar to Coke's Sakto).

As travelers, let's make a contribution to mother nature by reducing our waste.

That's it, guys! I hope you'll enjoy your travel! You can also read more of my Hongkong travel tips here:

A Traveling Pinoy's Budget Rundown to Hongkong
Hongkong Itinerary (to be published soon)
How to Survive Hongkong's Subway System (to be published soon)

Orgasmically Good for You: Durian Tips from a Dabawenyo Exiled in Cebu

2012-01-05T00:30:00.000+08:00

Synonymous to Davao is a fruit commonly misunderstood by many due to its foul smell and weird taste. In fact, most establishments (some surprisingly in Davao) don't allow people to bring and eat durian. Some people say that the smell of durian is like "rotten tomatoes mixed with smelly feet" while others claim that although it smells like "hell", it surely tastes like "heaven".

I once hated it myself when my parents first bought durian when I was still in grade school but I was wrong after I tried it -- all it takes is a matter of training your nasal and gastrointestinal tracts. If you can live with the smell and taste of durian candies or the ice cream (or even the durian-flavored condom), the fruit is no less different.

Let not the smell of durian get in the way of losing your durian virginity. Just like sex, you need to go through a bit of pain, in this case, a few ounces of testicular fortitude and maybe a few trips to the bathroom.

Make your trip to Davao worthwhile and memorable. Make sure you don't miss the opportunity of eating the "king of all fruits."

Here are some tips to enjoy eating durian in Davao:

Where to Buy
Durian can be bought from virtually every food stand in the city but Davao's famous place to buy durian is located in front of Magsaysay Park along the corner of Leon Garcia and Uyanguren streets. Peak season is from August to October where prices can go as low as PHP 20.00 per kilo depending on the variety.

Choose the best variety
Durian has many varieties like the chanee, puyat, and the arancillo. Personally, I like the arancillo (named after former BPI-PhilFruits director Vicente Arancillo), because of its delectable taste and texture. In fact, many people consider it to be the best variety. You can ask the vendor if you want to try the different varieties.

Durian-Coke Combo
There's even a myth that surrounds eating the fruit -- never mix it with beer, whiskey or brandy -- but I've heard of other people who mixed it with alcohol and lived to tell the tale.

Just to be safe, don't try it unless you're suicidal.

Durian is best served with an ice-cold Coke drank straight from the bottle. I don't know why. I just works every time.

Remove the After Smell
Lastly, if you're concerned about the smell it will leave in your hand, try rubbing your fingers afterwards on the inner rind of the husk several times and wash with alcohol or with soap and water.

Breath mints for your mouth, too.

Again, eat at your own risk and let me know how it worked for you! Leave something down below.

Beef Up Your Stash: A Traveling Pinoy's Budget Rundown to Hongkong

2011-12-30T15:00:00.000+08:00

Travelers on a Shoestring Budget
I consider myself as a kuripot traveler -- been to a few places this year (mostly in the Visayas area) in a shoestring budget. This post, however, recounts the expenses I incurred during my first trip outside the country. This is actually the first of the series of my travel posts to Hongkong so if you have comments, suggestions and tips up your sleeve, feel free to leave a comment below.

Having said that, here's a rundown and a few tips on how much your wallet should have (more or less) for your trip. Note that some of the figures in HKD below are converted to Philippine Peso ($1 HDK = approximately PHP 5.90).

Securing your Passport
First things first: you need to have a passport to travel abroad. If you don't have a passport, you need to secure one. I got mine for PHP 1,700 last July through a travel agency but you can go directly to DFA and have it processed for only PHP 900.00 or PHP 1,200.00 (express). Some of the passport requirements are the following:

• NSO Birth Certificate;
• Original Valid ID;
• Other supporting documents like your transcript of records;

Read more about the requirements here.

Look out for Airline Ticket Promos

The second thing you need is, of course, plane tickets. Plan your trip ahead of time and watch out for airline promos all-year round.

I bought my Cebu-Hongkong ticket for only PHP 767 way back in June 2011 -- thanks to Cebu Pacific's Piso Fare promo. My return trip cost PHP 2,931 via Airphil Express.

Tip: You can opt not to have a baggage check-in going to Hongkong to save money. I advise you travel light and only carry the things you really need but going back to the Philippines, you should opt for a baggage check-in since you'll be carrying a lot of pasalubong for Tita Baby, Tito Boy, and Inday (unless Inday already worked in Hongkong).

Philippine Travel Tax and Airport Terminal Fee
Before you check-in at the airport, you need to pay PHP 1,620.00 for the Philippine Travel Tax and PHP 550.00 for the Mactan International Airport terminal fee. If you're leaving via Ninoy Aquino International Airport (NAIA), terminal fee is PHP 750.00.

Oceanpark and Disneyland
Your trip will not be complete if you don't plan to visit Oceanpark and Hongkong Disneyland -- definitely a must see in Hongkong! Most hotels or hostels sell tickets at a discounted price but standard rate for Oceanpark is $280 HKD (PHP 1,652) and $350 (PHP 2,065) for Disneyland.

If you want to go to other places, be sure to add a few more bills to your stash.

A Place to Stay
Our group stayed in a budget hostel (Dragon Hostel) located in Argyle Street, Mongkok, Kowloon District, which cost $600 HKD (PHP3,540) per night ($150 HKD per person per night).

The neighborhood is great (near to a bus station, train station, and a few shopping places) but the room is quite small. The staff are very friendly, too, especially Steven.

I'll be writing a separate review for the place but for the meantime, you can check out the reviews of Dragon Hostel from Tripadvisor.com.

Pocket Money
The amount of money that you will bring to Hongkong depends on the purpose of you travel. If you're going there to shop, you need to bring a lot of money. Otherwise, a PHP 5,000 pocket money is enough to get you by. This amount will take care of your daily budget for meals and transportation (good for 4 days).

So all in all, I spent at least PHP 15,710.00 (excluding pocket money) for a five-day vacation to Hongkong. Come to think of it, this amount is roughly the same if you're going on a vacation to Boracay or Palawan. Tama?

Now that you have an idea how much you're going to spend on your trip, do you want to know how to survive Hongkong's subway system or how to preserve your chastity in Hongkong? Watch out for these travel tips next month.

Happy new year, guys!

Check out some of my posts about Hongkong:

Hongkong Travel: The Six Things You Need to Bring Before You Go
Hongkong Itinerary (to be published soon)
How to Survive Hongkong's Subway System (to be published soon)

An Obligatory Thank You

2011-12-30T12:01:00.000+08:00

Recognized Effort

Read the article here.

Before the year ends, I want to say thank you to the panel of judges who judged my entry, "On Legs, Drama and Blogging: How These Three Can Wind Up in a Blogging Event", as the best post-blog post of the year for the Visayas Blogging Summit 2011. To those who've read it, I hope you enjoyed it as much as my mom and a few others did.

What This Means to Me

Photo taken from Bluewater Maribago's website

Aside from winning an overnight stay for two at Bluewater Maribago Resort, a Red Box VIP Card, a plaque, a special gift pack, and a complimentary blog feature of myself in the Visayas Blogging Summit 2011 website, I got to convince myself to go back to blogging and continue to share my day-to-day dickery to you guys. More posts are lined up for next month so be sure to like my Facebook page to keep you in the loop.

Spread the Seeds of Love
Why don't you read the entries of the other winners, too? Roxanne's experience talks about how she met and interacted with other bloggers during the event. John Paul also shares his experiences with a highlight on how he got a picture with my ex -- Ms. England.

Delusions.

Again, thank you.

On Legs, Drama and Blogging: How These Three Can Wind Up in a Blogging Event

2011-12-01T21:47:00.001+08:00

Visayas Blogging Summit 2011: A Postmortem
Last November 26, 2011, bloggers from all around Visayas gathered at SM City Cebu Trade Hall 1 to attend the Visayas Blogging Summit 2011 organized by the Cebu Bloggers Society. With the theme, "Blogging and Beyond", the summit featured speakers from all around the world of social media who talked about personal and professional blogging, social media for business, and social media responsibility.

The post that you are about to read is a no-holds-barred review of the event.

Anticipation Anxiety
See, I never had any idea that the summit was going to be jam-packed with bloggers, "wanna-be" bloggers, and non-bloggers -- not until that morning when I read that there's going to be around 200+ registered and walk-in participants from all over Visayas and Mindanao.

Man, I got a boner.

I mean, there I was -- never attended any blogging event in my entire career (as if I have one) -- signed up to have the chance to brush elbows with some of the best bloggers around the Visayas and Mindanao areas. Who wouldn't get nervous, right?

But I wasn't going to miss the event the second time around. Fuck. Hell, no!

Unexpected Companion

The plan was to go to the event an hour early thinking that they'll have something for the early birds but given that it was a Saturday, I decided to go there a little past 7 in the morning.

Vir Antonio and Weena Tolin weren't able to come to Cebu to attend the summit so I thought I was going to be alone but upon arriving at Gate 5 of SM, one woman, who also just arrived, smiled at me. It was only during that time when she said she used to see me in the library that I knew she was Jeemah.

Lucky her I took a bath.

After we registered, Jeemah and I were looking for seats with tables, found two and sat there only to be reprimanded by an organizer saying that the seats in front were intended for the sponsors and other important people; those two seats were never occupied all throughout the day, by the way. But, nevermind.

The Good Stuff That Happened
The event started with a dramatic yet witty invocation followed by a dramatic rendition of Lupang Hinirang. After the formalities, everybody was ready and was all ears as the speakers went up the stage and talked one-by-one.

First to speak was Max Limpag, blogger and Sunstar Cebu editor, who talked about blogging in general, the importance of knowing the basic fundamentals of the Web (e.g. HTML and CSS), and finding your own voice. Surely learned a lot from this guy.

As what Max said, "To be a good blogger, keep writing and blogging and keep reading."

Gay as this may sound, the next batch of speakers were blogger friend, Evanjohnn Mendoza, and CAMMA 2011 Awardee for Personal Blogging, Vernon "Iggy" Go, who charmed every girl (and maybe a few men) as they talked about finding niche in the blogosphere and how to go steady in blogging.

After they swept the crowd, there was a brief commotion in the audience after the emcees announced that four Ms. Earth candidates were coming for a special appearance -- and boy was it special.

God, I heard those men screaming with testosterone after four beauties did show up to grace the event -- Ms. England (with whom I saw my life with but then she was dragged down the stage and Mayor Rama took over), Ms. Estonia, Ms. Guatemala and Ms. Guam.

And It Just Went On And On
It was in the afternoon that they brought out the big guns. Big people from the industry went up the stage one-by-one to talk about the serious stuff.

Chris Ducker, Virtual CEO and Founder of Live2Sell Group of Companies and this year's keynote speaker, talked about "From Blog to Business--Getting Serious Online!", which opened everybody's eyes to blogging as a career and how to turn it into a business. Good stuff for people who's as broke as me.

It's not a coincidence that this guy has a funny name. Chris was just crazy. I was more amused when Chris tried to talk in Tagalog from time to time. "Fang it!"

Joanne Apat (Gwion Limited Hongkong's social media expert), Coy Caballes (Globe's social media manager), and Brad Geiser (Founder of GeiserMaclang Marketing Communications) also talked about the "Basics of Using Social Media for Business", "Tips for Successful Social Media Campaigns", and "Online Content Warfare--the next wave of digital PR", respectively.

Other speakers also talked about how blogging can contribute to social change.

Janette Toral, Philippines Internet Marketing Queen, talked about "Social Media Responsibility: A Perspective" while Congressman Mong Palatino, activist slash legislator, talked about "The Role of Social Media for Change."

Better than the KC-Piolo Breakup
But just when everything was about to be over, another guest speaker walked up the stage to spread the advocacy of stopping the proposed mining in Palawan. Gina Lopez of ABS-CBN showed the current situation of Palawan and how the plan of setting up a mining industry in Palawan will have its adverse effects in the environment and to its people.

Gina almost burst into tears as she showed the audience a picture of a little girl whose feet is about to be cut due to the effects of mercury poisoning. That picture got the crowd on their feet -- literally -- as the audience shouted, "Yes to life. No to mining in Palawan!"

Nothing is as moving as seeing a flock of young people being able to stand up for a cause.

The Verdict
Overall, the event was a blast and I'm looking forward to joining another blogging event with these guys. Great speakers, free food, free coffee for everybody, free Internet, ~~free~~ boobs. What more can I ask for?

Congratulations, Cebu Bloggers, Inc. for a job well done!

Here's what other people think:

Bloggers to unite in the upcoming Visayas Blogging Summit 2011

2011-11-19T22:11:00.001+08:00

On Nov. 26, bloggers from all around Visayas will gather to the Visayas Blogging Summit 2011, organized by the Cebu Bloggers Society, at SM City Cebu Trade Hall 1.

With this year's theme, "Blogging and Beyond", the summit will feature speakers from all around the world of social media to talk about personal and professional blogging, social media for business, and social media responsibility.

Chris Ducker, founder of Live2Sell Group and this year's keynote speaker, will also talk about "From Blog to Business -- Getting Serious Online", which aims to empower bloggers to build their personal or professional brand a step higher.

If you're interested to join the summit, visit http://vbs2011.cebubloggers.com for more information.

This event is brought to you by SM City Cebu, Ramon Aboitiz Foundation Inc., PR Works, and GeiserMaclang, VirtualStaffFinder.com, Watsons, International Pharmaceuticals Incorporated (IPI), SolidHosting.ph, CebuDirectories.com, Bluewater Resorts, Tibiao Fish Spa, Crimson Resort and Spa, Hero Hungarian Sausage, Coffee Dream, Bo's Coffee, Harolds Hotel, PinoyGreatDeals.com, HoneyCombFC.com, Nokia, Globe, Cebu Daily News, The Freeman, Sunstar Cebu, Panay News, ABS-CBN, GMA, TV 5, GeohMedia, BrennAlmario.com, JunixBlog.com, Home Radio, Monster Radio and Y101.

I was being sold to a woman named Tish by another woman called mom.

2010-10-03T18:46:00.011+08:00

Marriage is something I do not see in the next five years. As long as the mighty conqueror can still stand on its own, the banner of singlehood will e’r remain. But if you're biologically attached to a person (to whom which I will refer to as mom from this point forward), you can never argue. You argue, you're dead. You don't, you're still dead. Either way, she wins. You see, my mom’s getting old. Or so she thinks. To her, part of getting old is probably the fear of not getting to see her son’s future kids, which is probably why this person I am starting to doubt to be as my mom is getting all excited every time she would see someone she likes.

So while she was on her way to Cebu for a vacation, she met this girl – a flight attendant named Tish. And since my mom is a cam-whore (sorry for the lack of a better term), the mother took this picture. Yes, she’s pretty, skin’s as radiant as my armpits, and looks mabango. She looks like she can even ~~wash my underwear, do the dishes, and cook food~~ attend to my personal “needs”. No doubt she’s a woman every ~~perverted~~ guy can ever dream of. Please agree.

But, mom, if you got lost or you got pretty bored in the office and you happen to be reading this, Tish is waaaaay beyond my expectations. I know you’re looking for someone who’s pretty and someone who can potentially save the face value of our bloodline but the person you call your son has other things in mind. Do not worry. Do not cry. Do not do anything stupid. You will soon meet her. You want a dozen grandchildren? That's easy. And to her, if you’re reading this, please. Contrary to my mom’s popular belief -- for the love of God -- I can still promise you

Go ahead. Take this chance. Submit to my mom's demands. I'm for sale.

Gold-digging the person I call “brother”

2010-09-22T23:11:00.004+08:00

Since he was born, I pretty much hated my brother for all sorts of things – clothes, toys, food, even the attention he gets from the gerls. But since he went to the States, I do admit that I miss that SOB. This may sound so gay but I do love my brother. Fact is I love him even more…

…because he’s fu**ing earning much more than I do and he’s so cool that he gave me something that I can use for work and for ~~watching adult~~ entertainment. Dude, if you’re reading this, I’m not trying to sell you. I wanted to but, hey, you’re there and probably you’ve been sold to some rich MILF. But seriously, thank you.

So gaiz, meet my girl.

HP Pavilion

Together with my ex.

P.S. Dude, should you decide to become less worldly, you may also give your Mac Air. I’m holding your baseball cap as hostage. Thou shall meet my demands on or before Christmas.

Of Lingam massage and the fact that I am here in Cebu

2010-08-22T16:04:00.003+08:00

First and foremost, I would like to apologize for the absence of new posts in recent months. I know some of you (and you know who you are) who’ve been f**king persistent in encouraging me to write. Mind you. You were really getting into my nerves but being a father is much tougher than expected. Kidding. Mom, I did not get someone pregnant. Well, at least, not that I know of.

But seriously, I realized that I got too embroiled on a lot of crap that I haven't been able to pursue my blogging interest (if there is any) for four months. I was busy looking for another job, found one as a software engineer, and then relocated in Cebu.

The idea that Cebu is now the place I call home should sink in by now. Adapting to this place – the people, the traffic, and the cost of living – was relatively easy although getting used to the sharp inflection and intonation of the Cebuanos wasn’t. However, familiarity to the words “lingam” and “massage parlors with extra service” and knowing what they actually do inside are some of the things I have come to understand especially from where I am living right now in Cebu.

On the flip side, my social network is roughly dependent on how many times I can go out in a week and how many times I can make my friends get drunk. I still have a handful of friends that I know of by their first names. Hell, I do not even know my room mates. But what I do know is that one of them is gay. Well, as long as he does not f*ck things up, I’m cool.

Well, anyway, that being said, if you’re in Cebu and if we happen to bump into each other in Ayala, SM, Larsian, Mango Square or perhaps in a lingam massage parlor, sneak up on me and we’ll figure things out…hopefully.

Why April remains to be Epic?

2010-04-28T08:32:00.023+08:00

It's because summer is not yet over. And because my feet always itch for long summer trips. And because I have other friends who drooled over my pictures from Kawasan Falls and Moalboal White Beach. And because they wanted to go there reeeaaal bad.

So last weekend, I went back to Kawasan Falls and Moalboal White Beach together with some of my student assistants and other friends. See, we never had any vacation or anything as a group other than seeing each other at work. It was a long overdue request from them to have something like a group bakasyon and so, instead of resting last weekend, off we went. And too bad some of them weren't able to come. Next time, children.And because we had this thing called camera with us, you'll see a lot of pictures pictures -- say for bragging rights and for posterity's sake again. Right.

Enjoy!

There are people who can smile in the water...

...and even not in the water. Apparently, I am not one of them.

But I can jump...
...and crawl.
...and make pa pogi sa camera.
And strike a pose while the tent is being set up..."Hanggang saan aabot ang 20 pesos mo? Ayan sige giling pa. Tugs tugs tugs."

Epic April, it still is. And guess what? Best part of this trip was that I brought an extra underwear na...at last! Bohol, see you on Monday!

Epic April and the Kuripot Travelers

2010-04-14T08:50:00.017+08:00

I'm not yet ready to say goodbye to my summer. Come to think of it, mine just started in Siquijor two weeks ago. And to make the most out of the long weekend last week, the group decided to go for another short vacation in Cebu. And so, I got my things packed minus the underwear. Yes, I left mine, thank you. Nice. Anyway, the excerpts from my adventure.

Getting to Liloan, Santander

Together with Kim, Irish, Chris, and Chris Vincent, we took a Php10.00 multicab ride from Dumaguete to the port of Sibulan to catch the 8:30 pump boat going to Liloan, Cebu. The sea was favorable and the pump boat took 30 minutes to reach Liloan.

Pebble Beach Resort, Santander, Liloan, Cebu

The group decided to stay in Santander till lunch. Irish suggested to stay in Pebble Beach Resort for a while. And so, we did. From Liloan Port, walking to Pebble Beach Resort took only 10 minutes. Entrance Fee is Php10.00.

There's really nothing much to see in Pebble Beach Resort aside from the fisher folks who occasionally pass by and as the name implies, pebbles. If you're searching for white sand, go somewhere else (and I will lead you there later). I suggest you stay in the neighboring Bongga Villa Beach Resort, where Ate Ginggay was staying during the time we were in Pebble Beach.

Next stop was Kawasan but we had to ride the bus going to Badian in Bato. From Liloan, we took a Php9.00 bus ride going to the next town, Bato.

Bato to Badian, Cebu

From Oslob, Bato, we took a 45-minute bus trip going to the small town of Badian where Kawasan Falls is located. Along the highway is the Sto. Tomas de Villanueva Parish Church. From there, we took a 15-minute hike to reach Kawasan Falls. Don't get tourist guides who will approach you. Trust me. You will not get lost. Just follow the streams of tourists walking along the trail.

Kawasan Falls, Badian, Cebu

Finally, we reached Kawasan Falls and we needed to catch a dip in its cold water after traveling. Entrance to the falls is only Php10.00. For children below 7 years old, entrance fee is FREE but I wonder how they can identify a child to be below 7 years old.

From the highway, it took a 15-minute hike to reach the first falls. Among the three falls in Kawasan, the first falls is the most crowded since this is the biggest of the three. Tourists can ride the raft, which is for rent, and stay in a small cave below the falls. Rooms are provided for those who want to stay overnight. Surprisingly, they charge Php200.00 for those who want to stay overnight in their tents. Since our budget was limited, we decided to set camp in a nearby beach resort across the entrance to Kawasan falls, where you can set camp for FREE.

Matutinao Beach Promenade and Beach Park

If you're looking for a beach park with a swimming pool, nice accommodation, and a fancy restaurant, Matutinao Beach Promenade and Beach Park is not what you are looking for. The beach park only has few cottages where you can stay overnight. But the place has a cool mini-bar where you can enjoy videoke for Php5.00 per song.

Sidetrip: Moalboal White Beach Resort

We were about to go back to Dumaguete in the morning when we decided to go further up north to Moalboal White Beach. Chris Vincent went back to Dumaguete alone since she still has to go to work later in the afternoon. We waited for an hour for the bus going to Moalboal.

We reached the small town of Moalboal after 30 minutes. From the town proper, we took the habal-habal going to Moalboal White Beach, which is six kilometers away from the main highway. You can also rent a motorcycle for only 400 pesos for 24 hours if you want to explore the town a little more but I doubt there are other places to see other than the Moalboal White Beach.

Moalboal White Sand Beach is a long stretch of white sand beach comparable to Boracay minus the crowd and the expensive bars and restaurants. The beach has a number of beach resorts with entrance fees ranging from Php10.00 to Php15.00. Cottages are for rent ranging from Php200.00 to Php1,000.00. But again, we decided to stay in our tent.

You can see the island of Negros from its shoreline and if you're lucky, you can catch a glimpse of the nice sunset, too.

Tired, smelling, and hungry, we went back to Dumaguete at around three in the afternoon where another adventure awaits us.

In Search of Another Adventure

The group is planning a trip to Sumilon Island at the end of the month but I have my sights on Bohol. You're next. And this time, I'm bringing my underwear.

And the Numbers

• Multicab Fare (Dumaguete to Sibulan) Php10.00
• Pumpboat (Sibulan to Liloan) Php45.00
• Pebble Beach Resort Entrance Fee Php10.00
• Bus Fare (Liloan to Oslob, Bato) Php9.00
• Bus Fare (Oslob, Bato to Badian) Php20.00
• Entrance Fee (Kawasan Falls) Php10.00
• Bus Fare (Badian to Moalboal) Php16.00
• Habal-habal Fare (Highway to Moalboal White Sand Beach Php25.00
• Entrance Fee (Moalboal White Sand Beach) Php10.00
• Habal-habal Fare (Moalboal White Sand Beach to Town Proper) Php25.00
• Bus Fare (Moalboal going back to Oslob, Bato) Php52.00
• Pedicab Fare (Bato to Liloan Port) Php20.00
• Fast Craft (Liloan to Sibulan, Negros) Php65.00

Total: Php317.00

It was supposed to be holy but I am a peaceful person in nature. Really.

2010-04-06T09:57:00.023+08:00

Despite its mystic beauty, aura of magic and its reputation for shamans and aswangs, we went to Siquijor to spend the Holy Week. We sailed from Dumaguete for about an hour and a half aboard Montenegro Lines.

We reached Siquijor, Siquijor during lunch time and upon arriving, I asked one of the locals where Jollibee is because the three of us were already hungry. Apparently, there is none. Not even a single branch of McDo or kahit Big Mak man lang. My first mistake. I know, right? Instead, we looked for a place to eat around St. Francis de Assisi Church and found one small carinderia where we met a local pedicab driver. I asked manong pedicab driver for the fare going to Salagdoong Beach and we came up with a reasonable price of Php300.00 (the charm still works at may asim pa rin ako) but then manong pedicab driver suggested to us to rent a motorcycle so that we can explore the whole island to our hearts' desire. He was even kind enough to let us borrow his map (since I left mine back home).

So with my pathfinder, Jronny – who never failed to look at the map to check if we were in the right track even if the signboards along the road said we were, and the photographer slash driver, Aljhun, we headed to Salagdoong Beach from the little town of Siquijor.

Along the way, the sights were absolutely breathtaking. From corn and rice fields to the crystal-clear waters around the island of Siquijor, hindi mo na kailangan ng gayuma (love potion) that other Siquijornons supposedly sell to make you fall in love with the place. You don’t need to. You don’t have to. The place itself is the gayuma.

We met Jronny’s friends along the way – one of them happens to be my student assistant at work before. They were in a bigger group – about ten of them or so. And, obviously, they were pretty much “well-sponsored” with food. I know because one of their bags was open. Mistake number two: Do not forget to bring food.

Finally, we reached Salagdoong Beach after an hour and a half of ass-pounding, sunburn-inducing road trip. Entrance fee to the resort is only Php10.00 plus Php15.00 parking fee for the motorcycle. For rent cottages are for Php100.00. There are also cottages for Php 1,200 a night – perfect for families who want stay overnight. You can also stay in their newly-built hotel. However, if you choose to stay in your own tents, camping fee is Php100.00.

So, ladies and gentlemen, for bragging purposes and for posterity’s sake, the pictures.

Expenses Summary:
• Boat fare (Dumaguete to Siquijor and vice-versa) – Php 218.00
• Terminal fee (Dumaguete) – Php 15.00
• Terminal fee (Siquijor) – Php14.00
• Motorcycle rent – Php 350.00 (for 24 hours)
• Gasoline – Php 52.00/liter
• Food in their restaurant – Php60.00 – Php180.00 (insanely expensive)

…but the experience is absolutely PRICELESS.

Surviving a Habitat for Humanity Community Project: the DOs and DON'Ts

2010-03-08T08:58:00.006+08:00

So last Saturday, your most gracious yours truly volunteered for Habitat for Humanity’s Blitz Build project in Candau-ay, Dumaguete City.

The project was organized by the Dumaguete City Habitat for Humanity, Inc. with the assistance of local and international volunteers from different schools, churches, government units, business establishments, civic groups and ordinary individual volunteers.

Local and international individual volunteers.
Photo courtesy of Dumaguete City Habitat for Humanity, Inc.

Volunteers were assigned to different houses: students from Kwansei Gakun University in Japan, together with Professor Nobu Imaizumi, were assigned to probably two or three houses; Teletech was assigned to another house; Silliman Medical Center Foundation, Inc. was assigned to another house; and finally, ten local and international individual volunteers were assigned to another house.

It was truly a humbling experience but nobody said it's easy. Damn right it isn’t. So here are some things you need to know before volunteering yourself:

1. Deodorant. Put lots of it. Better if you bring it along with you and share it with the carpenters and other volunteers who may forget that when we sweat, we stink. Remember that sharing is good.

2. Water is essential in building a home. Cement needs it. So does your body. You’ll be sweating A LOT. And by this, I really mean A LOT. So bring along a bottle of water. Preferably potable water.

3. Know where the site is. Know it well. Do not worship me for I did not follow this. You will pretty much end up asking for directions from other people if you do not know the exact location of the project site. Lesson learned from yours truly.

4. Gear up and not dress up. You’re not going to the mall. Plunging necklines for the women, in as much as we want to, is not a good idea. Work clothes, my dear. Loose pants, comfortable shirt, sunglass, gloves, and a hat.

5. Food. Although lunch will be provided on site for independent volunteers, you are not going to a feeding program. Bring your own food, if you want.

So there, ladies and gentlemen, five things you need to know to survive a Habitat for Humanity community project. Enjoy the experience as much as I did!

Face Value Guaranteeing in the Election

2010-03-03T08:44:00.013+08:00

Our print shop is now offering election campaign materials for politicians and would-be politicians. Services include flyer/tarpaulin layout and printing all complete with dimple installation, complete facial overhaul, digital pimple removal, youth restoration, and a blemish-free face guaranteed to glow minus the chin-chan-su.

However, depend solely not on these materials to yield votes. Your chances in winning in the upcoming election also depend on your sleazy campaign jingles, other voters' stupidity, paawa effect in TV advertisements, living under the shadows of your parents’ greatness, black propaganda, necromancy, empty promises, dependency on people with dwarfism, and flying voters guided by one frustrated pilot.

Forget not, my dear, that face value can help regardless of the presence or the absence of it. If by any chance you are able to comprehend what I am saying, contact Davao Deseret Graphics at dvodeseretgrafix@gmail.com or text us at 0920-8418033.

Last night, I was alone, played with it and found it dripping wet.

2010-02-22T08:34:00.002+08:00

I slide my finger deep within your crevices, slowly filling every inch of your existence. I close my eyes, feeling the wetness as your sweet juice run down my fingers, dripping with your warm, thick fluid.

I stop. I twist my finger and find your sweet spot.

"Crap, you're tight."

Thumb goes in. Slowly but surely, my finger slithers all the way in. You react with a burst of fluid coming out from God-knows-where. A tear drops from my eye.

All of a sudden, I'm in ecstasy. Both of us. Reaching farther, I flick my finger as you gyrate and succumb to the intruder causing you unparalleled satisfaction.

My finger finally finds it.

Yes. Slowly, I play with it and without a moments notice, out comes my booger.

Don’t we just all hate having sinusitis?

[NOTE] The blogger was all by himself last night and is currently down with a severe case of sinusitis. Symptoms include forming/molding animals or just about anything with his booger. Any medication will most likely cure his sinusitis but artsy delusions will most likely remain.

Globe subscriber wins a Gym Bag from Smart

2010-02-21T13:09:00.003+08:00

I’m not much of a Smart user; I’m not even a Smart subscriber except for their Smart Bro Plug-in modem (Thanks to Globe’s crappy Internet service) but that doesn’t mean I cannot get to enjoy their perks. During the first week of this month, I won a gym bag from Smart’s Twitter contest after commenting what services/products I admire most from Smart. Yesterday, Smart sent me the gym bag and here it is. Thanks to Abbie, Customer Service Planning & Development Officer and who also happens to be a blogger, and to Smart. Follow Smart in Twitter.

Call for Habitat for Humanity volunteers [Dumaguete]

2010-02-20T12:56:00.009+08:00

The Dumaguete City Habitat for Humanity Inc. needs 66 more volunteers from the Dumaguete community to take part in building ten houses in seven days in Candau-ay starting on March 6, 2010. Right now, the organization already has professional volunteers and 34 Japanese student-volunteers.

If you want to help, drag your ass and contact the Habitat office at (035) 225-4399 or email them at dgtehfh@gmail.com.

An inquisitive mind doesn't get “straight” answers all the time.

2010-02-17T14:07:00.008+08:00

This is just a quick rant on my Valentine weekend. I spent my weekend in Bohol and stayed in a cheap hotel where I got the chance to brush elbows with couples who also stayed in the same hotel and who were pretty much in the festive mood of lovemaking.

Normally, I don't care if I see two people showing and expressing their love and affection in public but shagging each other like cats in a hotel with rooms separated only by thin slabs of plywood definitely crosses the line between what is entertaining and what is scandalous. Sure. It was entertaining, at first. I mean, what are the odds of hearing two complete strangers squeal all for the glory of love? But squealing in the middle of the night – when other people are trying to get some sleep – you can’t blame me if I shove rags in their mouths, right?

Worse: After carefully listening, I heard two man voices from the other room. All ye who hath inquisitive minds, go figure!

Love knows no boundaries, so does being loveless on Valentine's Day.

2010-02-11T08:39:00.006+08:00

Let’s face it. Valentines is not for everybody. It’s a reality, which I despondently accepted for most of the years in my life – thank you. But that doesn’t mean that Melai and Jason and the rest of their kind can get to celebrate this Valentines. Sure, you may not have someone in your life right now with whom you could spend nights playing sudoku or something else in the bedroom. Or you may not be the best looking guy/girl/neuter in your barrio. Or you may be too gay-ishly gay to ask someone out. But, let me tell you this. You can make the most out of your day doing something else.

If your friends will ask what your plans are for Valentines, go ahead and tell ‘em, “Have to go to Church in the morning, afternoon, and in the evening” or “I have a shitload of work to do the following day.” It’s a Sunday so come up with all sorts of lame Sunday excuses!

But you need not be sad or be jealous of other couple going out on a date HHWW pa-sway sway pa, taking advantage of the cover of night, lurking in the darkness doing something else. I mean, these are people who are too busy or who absolutely fail to see that every goddamn day should be a day to sweep their partners off their feet and spread them apart. Amen?

Listen. Go out. Arrange with your Dota friends for a camping in a café. Call one of your gay friends and ask him if he wants to go to the mall with you. Some of them become extra generous during Valentines, mind you. Be careful, though. Get in touch with your ex and make her realize that her life would not have been miserable if the two of you are still together. Eat. Drink. Be merry. Stalk? For the love of God, just do anything and drag your ass out of your filthy room!

So, dude, wipe away your tears. Raise your head up high. Smile. Tell everybody you’re single. Be proud! At least you can play ding-dong with Mary Palmer unconditionally.

A Battle of Wit and of Testicular Fortitude

2010-02-09T10:54:00.009+08:00

Sadly, our politics is now a matter of who will win the hearts, eyes, and ears of the people and not of that who will win the minds of the voters. Philippine voters, wake up! We do not need an entertainer or someone who knows how to sing or dance or make our hearts cry in the highest position in the government. We need someone who can ACT, and by that I mean someone who has the wit and the guts to do what is right for the entire country.

The key chain that speaks for myself.

2010-02-03T08:59:00.007+08:00

I was about to have my lunch two days when a guy from LBC was looking for me. I wasn't really expecting something from someone but I just had to accept the package and much to my surprise, it was a key chain from Patay Gutom.

I got this key chain after winning Patay Gutom's contest last December. So, for bragging purposes to those who never had any key chain in their miserable lives and perhaps for posterity's sake: Behold! The mighty key chain! Thank you, Patay Gutom.

The day I almost wanted to be a model was the day I spared mankind.

2010-01-27T13:49:00.005+08:00

There's nothing quite adorable than having her in Youtube -- good English eskels, fleezing personality, and a lot of Las Vegas guts for posting this. A classic online shenanigan this will be. For those interested, hurry and emel her.

UPDATE: Inday apparently deleted her bedyo in Youtube but fortunately someone uploaded a copy. Thanks, dude.

The Woman Who Cried Wolf

2010-01-19T09:48:00.008+08:00

So bad-ass bad boy Jason Ivler was finally arrested after yesterday's raid by authorities and to be honest, I'm happy that the bastard's finally in their hands but at the same time disappointed why the bullets missed his head. It could have been a nice sight. Really. Kid, this is not Counter-Strike where you can re-spawn when you're dead! But I got to hand it to him, though. The kid's a total a*hole thinking he could elude the authorities by hiding in a sh*t hole inside their house. Nice thinking, kid. You mental or something?

And to her mother, Marlene Aguilar, who always acted like a crybaby in front of the media, nice work! You and your tears sure did make me pity you at first but because of yesterday, woman, you suck.

When it sticks, it sticks.

2010-01-14T14:31:00.005+08:00

"Nakaligo ka na ba sa dagat ng basura..
NagPasko ka na ba sa gitna ng kalsada

Yan ang tanong namin:Tunay ka bang isa sa amin?
Nalaman mo na bang mapagaaral ka nya

Tutulungan tayo para magkatrabaho
At ang kanyang plano ay magkabahay tayo

si villar ang tunay na mahirap
si villar ang tunay na may malasakit
si villar ang may kakayahan
at gumawa ng sariling pangalan

si manny villar ang magtatapos ng ating kahirapan."

This blasted song's stuck in my head and, now, even my senile neighbor's singing it. FFUUUUUU and more FFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU.

Overrated Visions of a Blind Seer

2010-01-13T11:12:00.011+08:00

Oh hai there again, Villar! It seems you never fail to catch my attention with your plastic smile, robotic pose, ever glorious testicular fortitude and all. You see. I am starting to get pissed by your ads on TV. And God, even when I sleep, your campaign jingle is stuck in my head. You did a pretty good job!

And your promises. My. You seem to promise too much. Housing for every Filipino. But I'm not asking for a two-storey Alabang House nor additional traffic enforcers (Wait, you said police officers? K. Noted. But those ain't like police officers to me.)

Question remains: Do I want my country to be guided by a blind seer whose visions are overrated? Hell, no! Ang trapo mo, Villar!

If Rustom thinks he has the biggest transformation of all time, that retard should think again.

2010-01-11T14:23:00.002+08:00

It’s finally twenty ten and a lot of my wishful thinker friends started their own resolutions slash plans slash whatever so I might as well join the bandwagon and start making my own. But then again, it got me thinking on what to do this year. I do not have plans. Do you? Do I need to have a long list of plans? You tell me. I don’t make plans simply because I know that at some point in time this year, I will not follow them at all -- which brings me to a conclusion why the hell am I writing this post.

It’s called free writing.

Anyway, so instead of writing a long list on what to do, what to expect, and other what-tos, let me just promise you one thing – the one thing I think I’ll be doing for the rest of the year; otherwise, I’ll end up like a hot air balloon inflated with nothing but hot air.

In this post, my friends, I am promising to myself a complete makeover – the one that will bring Rustom Padilla, who thinks he/she/it has the best transformation of all time, on his/her/its knees and whine. And no, idiot, I am not gay but it has something to do with the way I look. And hell, it’s not a facial reconstruction either.

I am assuming that you read one of my previous posts just as 2009 was about to end. Let’s just say that this year, I chose to remain a glutton. Yes, my dear. I’d be continuously stuffing my body with food. And I mean lots of it.

This year, I humbly proclaim to myself that I will be bigger – horizontally and vertically. This year, I will be different. This year, Rustom will go down. You hear me? You’re going down. And move over, fcking Jacob Black! (Gad! I hate that movie.)

Recently (and when I say “recently”, it means I wrote this post with a severe case of muscle sore), I enrolled in a gym with hopes that my body would increase in size (except that part which doesn’t need an increase of size anymore). I know it will not be easy. No pain, no gain – as they always say. So twenty ten, for the love of God, be gentle on me.

I thought I was the only one who can't sing but this made me think twice.

2010-01-07T14:40:00.008+08:00

So, guess who's bothering my primetime TV viewing? I don't care if these people were paid to sing but please! What the F?

UPDATE: An interesting find about Manny Villar. Thanks to Brian Ong for this one.

Look. I need this vacation. [Win a Free Boracay Vacation Package by WOW Philippines Travel Agency]

2010-01-02T14:30:00.003+08:00

WOW Philippines Travel Agency, Inc. is celebrating it's 5th year in business during July of 2010, and we would like you to have a chance to celebrate with us, so we have decided to give-away a FREE Boracay Package complete with 5 Star accommodations at the luxurious Le Soleil de Boracay Hotel on Boracay Island. The lucky winner will win the following Boracay vacation package.

Vacation Package Inclusions:

- 5 Days / 4 Nights Luxury 5 Star Accommodations at the Le Soleil de Boracay Hotel

- Flights to Boracay from Manila to Caticlan Airport on Philippine Airlines

- Island Transfers - Door-to-Door from Manila to the resort and back to Manila Domestic Airport

- Three (3) Meals each day, Breakfast, Lunch & Dinner

- Boracay Activities - Horseback Riding, Island Hopping, Glass Bottom Boat

- PLUS - 5,000 peso Spending Cash

Read More Information: http://www.boracay-packages.com

[Another shameless plug from yours truly.]

In the last day of 2009...

2009-12-31T15:59:00.003+08:00

...but nevertheless, happy 2010 everybody! I will post a lengthy post after this holiday hangover is over. Cheers, kids.

Before Santa Gets Drunk

2009-12-24T17:22:00.002+08:00

...and above everything else, let me greet everybody Merry Christmas!

Whoever said “Eat in moderation” was terribly mistaken

2009-12-17T13:49:00.007+08:00

I don't know about you but when someone mentions the word "Christmas", food's the first thing that comes to my mind. I'd be a total hypocrite if I say "Christ was born that day." Hey, I'm a believer but my past Christmases were all about food! Really. Since childhood, it was part of our family tradition that no matter how shitty we are financially, we still celebrate. No matter how simple it is, as long as everybody in the family's in one good piece, it's worth celebrating. It is worth eating.

So if you are someone who got used to stuffing your stomachs with God knows what on Christmas, what would you do if you'd get 8 Christmas party invitations this week and expect another 3 next week? Resist? I won't. So high-fatty foods and an impending bulging tummy, bring it on! After all, I only get to eat this much once a year. MODERATION.

Why are you in a hurry...Wait, here's a penny.

2009-12-14T13:50:00.007+08:00

Back when I was much smaller, I used to go around our neighborhood together with some of my trusted friends to annoy our neighbors. You see, it's only during Christmas that I can be much use to my friends.

Christmas caroling was our favorite pastime. Dota was non-existent. Internet was also never heard of. We'd go out. Find small pieces of rock. Amateur voice lessons. Try to look innocent. And sing our hearts out. Earn 25 to 50 cents per household and divide the earnings among the group. This was my life aside from getting chased by dogs.

Twenty years passed by.

A few nights ago, I had to stop eating my dinner to find out who the hell was trying to wake up the other neighbors. They turned out to be young kids who were gathering outside our boarding house. And then, there was a brief moment of silence. Kids were talking to each other. Seemed to be agreeing on something. Then, wham! "We wish you a merry Christmas (3x) and a Happy New Year!" Arms extended. Asking for money.

"Holy sh*t. That was it?," asked myself.

You see when I was at their age, I mastered the art of begging during Christmas and I did it with flair. I did with so much flair that I could always go home 10 pesos richer. But times have passed. Things changed. It's not only grown-ups who are in a rush. So are the kids.

The Endless Battle between Kiko Matsing and Elmo Finally Comes to an End

2009-12-10T08:31:00.010+08:00

You see, my brother and I were exact opposites since we were kids. We were entirely different. It was as if both us were in the same spectrum but with different wavelengths. He was different. I was different. He's well-built. I was and still is physically deprived. I excelled both in academics and in other extra-curricular activities. He was the average. He was mischievous. I was sane. But he's good-looking though. Well as for me, let’s just say that my mom would always subtly tell me that some women “don’t go for looks”. Go figure.

Sometimes, my brother and I would exchange roles back then – taking part in being the “black sheep” in the family. I even bullied him around, too; taking things that matters most away from him – even the girl he liked. Yes. My ex-girlfriend was his crush back then. He was just simply head-over-heels but I would just laugh at his futile attempt to talk to her. And you guessed it right. I stole her away from him. (Crap. I was that harsh?) Of course, I am the KUYA and kuyas, whether you like or not, are supposed to always reign supreme over the inferior broodlings! (Okaaay, that’s it. I’m harsh.)

So anyway, my brother always dreamed to live or to study in the States. In fact back when we were kids, he would watch Sesame Street while I prefer to watch Pong Pagong and Kiko Matsing (Ate Syena, matigas na yung saging ko!) in Batibot. So, you see? We’re different.

But if there was one common thing that we got from our mom, it would be her assertiveness. My family could never afford to send him to study or to be exiled in another country but my brother never stopped looking for information in the Internet to the point of spending the rest of the night in our print shop in Davao looking for scholarships in the Internet – the sweet and glorious Internet. That’s when he learned about the Philippine-American Educational Foundation (PAEF) scholarship and applied.

And guess what? Just recently, my brother finally got his scholarship grant to study International Business in Brigham Young University in Hawaii. The lucky bastard.

But you know what? The more I see our differences, the more I come to accept that even though we are different, we both have one thing in common. Putting our differences aside, we are both dreamers. We have one thing in mind: excellence. Excel in the best way we can.

So to my brother who’s leaving right after Christmas, do your best! Make us proud! Bring home the gold! Send dollars! Don’t talk to me in English when you’ll call! Itaas ang bandera ng mga Hernandez! Whatever. Just make your k0YaH proud, you dimwit! And send me chocolates.

Taming the Growling Stomach: Ted's LaPaz Batchoy

2009-12-08T08:49:00.020+08:00

If you happen to be at Robinson's Place in Dumaguete City and if you are as broke as me just like yesterday, then I would assume that you'd look around the mall for a place where everything fits within your budget, too.

See, I was about to exit the mall when I passed by Ted's LaPaz Batchoy and decided to give it a try. Surprisingly, almost everything in their menu was below Php100.00 (which is the only money I had left yesterday thank you) and so I ordered their Beef Extra Super LaPaz Batchoy for only Php65.00.

Serving time took around 10-15 minutes (they are currently understaffed) but once you try their batchoy, you'll love it. The place is quite small, however. Only a few people can fit inside so if you're in a group, then be ready to eat at the mall's corridor where other mall goers can see you. But hey, food's great so I don't give a damn if other people can see me.

Definitely one of the best LaPaz Batchoy restaurants in Dumaguete!

The New Friendster Still Remains to be Full of Crap

2009-12-04T10:10:00.017+08:00

By now, some of you may have already noticed about the new changes in Friendster -- that is, if you still have your account. But for those you of who decided to cancel their Friendster accounts eons ago (I know, I should have deleted mine but I guess I'm afraid I'll miss those freakin' jologs asking for testimonials.), well, your decision was right. That I tell you.

So what's new in the land of Emos and Jologs, you ask? Well, aside from the change in its logo, Friendster also rebranded to a more hippy-type user interface (but still looks like crappy. Sorry). Other new features in Friendster are the following:

The Friendster Wallet

"Along with the Friendster Gift Shop, we’ve launched the new Friendster Wallet enabling you to store money on Friendster in a currency called “Friendster Coins.” It can be spent throughout Friendster’s site for gifts, and new, upcoming goods and services. You’ve told us you don’t have a credit card, so the Friendster Wallet supports prepaid “top-up” cards, which can be purchased at readily-accessible convenience stores such as 7-Eleven. You can buy physical pre-paid card at thousands of offline locations throughout Asia with cash, and then enter the unique code from the card into the Friendster Wallet to receive the money into your account. Then users can make purchases on Friendster.com for gifts, games, goods and services." - Friendster

Friendster Gift Shop

"Now you can send gifts to friends quickly and conveniently. The new Friendster Gift Shop helps you show your friends that you care – and show off the special gifts you receive in return.
There are a variety of gifts in the Shop already and more will be added over time. All are accompanied by a note, allowing you to add a personal message. And the best part, when gifts are sent, they arrive wrapped for the recipient, which makes unwrapping the gift more fun and exciting just like the real thing." - Friendster

Improved Photo Uploading and Viewing

"We know viewing photos and sharing them with friends is one of your favorite things to do on Friendster, so we’ve improved the entire photo experience. You can now upload 1,000 photos a day and we’ve made photo comments more prominent, so sharing thoughts with friends around photos is easier." - Friendster

Okay. So, Friendster may have changed its interface, added new features, and focused more on the yuppies but my verdict? Friendster will always be Friendster. It will never be like Facebook or any other social networking site (SNS). I hate to burst Azrael Coladilla's bubble but Friendster will NOT be the next big hit.

“It will be the next big hit and for my prediction, people will go back to Friendster, while other late blommers will go to other SNS. But hearing from Ben Dunn the big change, I just saw the future of SNS.” – Azrael Coladilla, Azrael’s Merry Land

Growth of Facebook in Asia

(Source: http://www.insidefacebook.com)

Friendster had the chance before but they were already too late. People already shifted to other SNSs and are enjoying their stay on those sites. Why bother using Friendster when they are just copying other growing social networking sites? Clearly a deliberate but futile attempt to gain back they have lost.

So Friendster, you don't deserve to be bookmarked -- not even to be in my browser's history .

Maguindanao's Brand Mismanagement

2009-11-28T16:39:00.013+08:00

The history of Lacoste started from a tennis match when a French tennis player and founder of Lacoste, Rene Lacoste, won the 1926 US Open championship. During his match, he was seen wearing a cotton polo shirt, which was said to reduce sweat. After his win, one of Rene's friend drew a crocodile and was embroidered onto his blazer, which he wore on the court. This became to what is now known as the logo of the company.

A few decades after, the company along with the power from its logo and the name of the brand was handed over to Rene's son, Bernard Lacoste. which resulted to the growth of the company.

Later on, Bernard handed over the power of presidency to his younger brother, Michel Lacoste.

Sources:
http://ezinearticles.com/?History-of-Lacoste&id=523140
http://www.fondationrenelacoste.org/renelacoste_en.html

* * * * *

The crocodile is a large aquatic reptile that is seen in almost all parts of the globe. Crocodiles mostly feed on fish, other reptiles, and mammals (although there are accounts that the crocodiles also feed on humans).

Interestingly to some, the crocodile is revered and worshiped in other parts of the world, particularly in Maguindanao and in other provinces in Mindanao. Below is an article from Newsflash.org:

I met Abdul, an Iranun from Basilan, who taught me the crocodile worship his parents from Zamboanga del Sur perform a month after a woman gives birth. It is pretty much the same as the Maguindanaoans, except that in Maguindanao the crocodile is placed on a small raft to sail down the river as an offering.

Here are the preparations from Abdul.

The figure of a crocodile is formed from boiled tapul sticky rice and placed on top of banana leaves. Chicken is cleaned and boiled. Four eggs were hard-boiled. The crocodile’s head is special, so it is made of yellow rice, the color of royalty.

The hard-boiled eggs are placed on the crocodile’s eye and two more below the crocodile’s neck because they believe the crocodile has four eyes. How else would he see in the blackish waters when he wallows in?

On the back of the crocodile’s neck near the front leg the boiled chicken is placed with its breast upward. Bananas form his claws, placed on each of his four legs. If there are no bananas, the elongated sugar candy called lukot-lukot formed like an egg roll simulates the claws.

The scales of the buaya are made of the pancakes called pañalam made of flour and red sugar piled bit by bit on the crocodile’s back one on top of each other, sometimes covering the crocodile completely, or placed edge to edge in a line all over his back. Chicken blood is placed in front of the buaya inside a coconut shell.
Cigarettes are placed under the leaves holding the crocodile in case anyone wants to smoke after eating the "crocodile." Prayers are uttered by the imam or pandita. The chicken blood is placed on top of the mother’s hands. She turns around the crocodile a few times and sits to eat first. Others follow after her.

* * * *

In light of the recent massacre in Maguindanao, Datu Unsay Mayor Andal Ampatuan Jr. is coincidentally seen here wearing a tubaw with the Lacoste crocodile symbol. The mayor is allegedly behind the massacre, killing at least 57 innocent people in Maguindanao.

* * * *

Crocodiles are also found in the zoo. No matter how people try to tame these crocodiles, some crocodiles -- particularly those that pose a threat to a community -- are better left caged where some are stuck and should be stuck to rot.

Photo: Times Online

The Super-Mega-Ultimate Guide for Pest Control

2009-11-24T15:03:00.009+08:00

The household mouse is one of the most cunning and the cleverest creatures in this planet. They eat anything from wood to cheese to underwear, which makes them the worst pest for any household but no matter how cunning or clever or how their bodies are built for destruction, inside that body is a small brain, and just like any creature, they have a weakness and that, my friends, is FOOD. They will do anything just to stuff their god-forsaken bodies with food. So, I wrote this guide for you guys to show them who the real boss is and who should reign supreme over the other. (I deserve the Nobel Prize for this.)

Anyway, here are the things you need:

1 bar Kit-Kat (as bait)

1 Baygon fly trap

10-15 minutes of your patience

L.A., I already have all the things I need. What should I do next?

1. Peel one Bagyon fly trap and arrange the now two sheets of fly trap side-by-side.
2. Place strategically in places where mice would most likely prowl at night (Hint: Locate where most mouse shit is dropped and no matter how appealing it may look, do not touch it if you want to live)
3. Place the bait (a bar of Kit-Kat) nice and dandy at the middle of each sheet. Sprinkle small crumbles of Kit-Kat around the fly trap. Make it seductive for the mouse.
4. Leave the trap.
5. Wait. Watch TV. Sleep. Anything. Just do anything. You will know if you successfully caught a mouse if you hear squeaking sounds. For the mouse, the squeak is like calling 911– calling other mouse for help. The more mice you will catch, the bigger your grin will be.

L.A., you are so great and I caught them all but what the hell should I do with the mice?

Disposal is probably the most challenging part of any pest control. You can throw it in the trash or if you are one if those green-minded freaks, burying it as compost is a good way of helping the environment but, personally, watching them burn is one of the most gratifying things any pest control method can give you.

This guide claims to be the cheapest and the most effective way of pest control and works best for the most common pests in our country. Results may vary. Ktnxbai.

The Hope of my Fatherland Lies in the Hands of a Boxer

2009-11-07T13:34:00.009+08:00

Who would have thought that this guy who grew up in the slums would become one of the few Filipinos whose face got plastered in Time Magazine's cover and have his life story printed in 5 pages?

Manny "Pacman" Pacquiao is undeniably one of the greatest boxers ever lived. I may not be his greatest fan when he sings or when he acts in front of the camera but I sure do rejoice whenever his punches land on the faces of other great boxers that would make them go home and whine to their mothers.

Manny, you have truly inspired us, Filipinos, and you are worthy to be called as the "The Great Hope" of our country because of what you have shown in the ring but to become the country's only "hope", politically speaking, well, that's another story.

Pacquiao is set to fight Miguel Cotto in Las Vegas, Nevada next Sunday (Manila Time). Good luck, Packy.

Books that Byte

2009-11-06T14:21:00.005+08:00

Huway hello thar! It appears that the second semester just started and that means that I have to teach again!

Last Tuesday, I got my two teaching loads for this semester: CS 2 and LIS 26. CS 2 is about the basic multimedia stuff (video and photo editing, and other multimedia stuff). LIS 26, on the other hand, is about the basic I.T. stuff (information storage and retrieval and library systems) for my Bachelor of Science in Library and Information Systems (BLIS) students.

For this very reason, I made a blog site to provide my students a venue to view all of my lectures online. I will also be sharing teaching strategies with the use of I.T. to my fellow teachers and librarians.

If you have questions, comments, and suggestions for Books that Byte, feel free to contact me at lordallenhernandez@yahoo.com.

Thanks.

Commemorating the Dead By Means of Doing Forced Laundry and Facebook

2009-11-01T11:53:00.007+08:00

So, today’s All Souls’ Day…or is it All Saints’ Day? Never mind. Bottom line here is I’m stuck in the boarding house. To top it off, my labandera is missing in action. I was forced to do all the dirty work earlier. Right. Thanks, manang.

Fortunately, Nicole's kind enough to share a modded version of Opera Mini (with a few minor tweaks). This means I can surf the Internet using my phone via WAP. And holy sheet, access is FREE! So hey, I don’t mind if I’m stuck in my boarding house and stare at the ceiling grinning like a fucknut as long as I have Facebook (mGa k0Ya’t aTi, aDd nY0 p0h AkUh).

For those schmucks who will ask for the link to this wicked app, Google is your friend.

For my long-departed ancestors, hey, I haven’t forgotten you. In fact, you are all in my mind as I am writing this post … and so are these pictures of Olivia Munn I am currently downloading.

Ktnxbai.

Rediscovering the Jologs in Me: The Buglasan Festival Experience

2009-10-24T15:39:00.009+08:00

FOREPLAY

The Province of Negros Oriental is celebrating its Buglasan Festival this week up to October 25, 2009 with the theme "Building Stronger Alliance Among Tourism Stakeholders of Negros Oriental". Different towns and cities around the province showcase the best of what they have to offer. From their different agricultural produce, delicacies, to their handicrafts, they're selling their STUFF at a low price (bought frozen Durian for Php80.00)!

You can still visit the Sidlakang Negros Village and catch the remaining activities lined up for tonight and tomorrow. You can check this site for the remaining activities.

THE EXPERIENCE

Last night, I was effin' bored in my room (as always). So, I decided to check out the booths myself at the Sidlakan Negros Village. I had to nail down first the pedicab driver who over-charged me with the pamasahe. Maybe he thought I was a tourist since I was holding a camera and was tourist-ishly dressed.

Anyway when I arrived, I was surprised that the place was packed with people from the National Highway down to the Village. I had no choice but to literally brush elbows with them. So there I was brushing elbows (and my other body parts) while checking out the booths of the different towns and cities. The pictures below show the different sights you can see in the Village.

The booth of Valencia is a crowd magnet. Fruits (papaya, mango, rambutan, lanzones, etc.) are being sold at a low price.

These are real squashes, by the way.

I heard that the governor wanted to ban smoking and drinking inside the Village. But as you can see in the picture above, people were drinking beer while watching the program. Can you spot my fellow jologers?

The two kids were probably helping their parents earn money. Tats, anyone?

Okay. So I got thirsty while walking around the booth area. I decided to go inside one of the booths and ordered iced tea. I thought I paid for one glass of iced tea but instead, look at what the lady gave me - a pitcher of Lipton Iced Tea for only Php20.00. Talk about getting your money's worth!

I never went inside Pamplona's booth. Got intimidated with the crowd inside.

Another crowd magnet. If you want to experience caving, visit the Mabinay booth. They have this cool replica of a cave. Entrance is free, by the way. Just be patient to fall in line.

Canlaon's booth was one of the best. They have this cool exhibit inside plus an accommodating Tourism Officer. (rawr)

Truly enjoyed my evening even if I was alone!

Basta Driver, Talagang Sweet Lover

2009-10-16T14:11:00.004+08:00

This startles me.

It seems that my luck never runs out when it comes to having unusual pedicab drivers. That's part of living in a small town, I guess. Last week, I shared to you guys about pervy manong pedicab driver. Well, guess what? Yesterday, the gods bestowed another creepy pedicab driver. No. Unfortunately, he did not turn out to be as perverted like the one I had. In fact, yesterday's driver was the domesticated and discreet kind.

Here's the story. I was going home after work when I rode this pedicab. There were already two people inside - Inday chimay and her broodling (her alaga) who were also going home from school. For no apparent reason, Inday chimay and manong pedicab driver started to talk like they've known each other for years. Of course, who can resist Inday chimay's face radiating with chin chan su?

"Okay. Maybe it's love at first sight.", I said to myself.

So, these two were sharing stories and laughters. Inday's tambuchingching and I just sat there and listened to their conversation when all of a sudden, the pedicab driver started to sing Eric Clapton's Tears in Heaven.

"OMFG. Manong's making THE move."

(FAST FORWARD)

Okay. While I do admire people showing off their talent, manong pedicab driver's an exception. You see. I hate it when I get caught in between two people flirting with each other; worse, singing to each other! Gad, I even felt that I was riding BANG BUS (for the curious mind, google is your friend).

Manong, okay, you have the voice. But you had me as well. Please spare me from your intentions next time.

My Stand On Climate Change

2009-10-15T10:00:00.004+08:00

So a while ago, I joined Blog Action Day. To my understanding, it's a ballyhoo to have all the bloggers worldwide to make a stand and raise awareness about a certain issue. This year: Climate Change. I've read some blogs on how they can raise awareness and all that jazz and none of them (from the blogs I've read) concentrated on what they can really do or what they are doing to curb climate change. Some of them blamed the government and our politicians, talked about the Kyoto Protocol, and all that stuff. Hey I can practically google all about climate change, I don't need those stuff na.

But we're obviously missing the point here. Making a stand isn't just throwing all the facts about climate change. One of the bloggers noted: "People have grown tired listening about climate change, etc." Maybe we are. We love to complain but we don't really do anything.

Okay. I will spare you from my holier-than-thou platitudes. So anyway, what can I really do about climate change? I've been using body deosprays from quite some time already. From what I heard, they contain this certain thing which harms the ozone layer. Crap. I forgot basta there's this thing inside these sprays that can damage that layer. Ah basta yun na yun. Perhaps shifting from deobody sprays to deo-lotions can make a difference. So, there. This is my contribution. How about you? What can you do? Participate now.

Contrary to my neighbor's popular belief, my front lawn in not a COMFORT ROOM

2009-10-14T09:21:00.004+08:00

Okay. I understand that this week starts the semestral break. During this time, students start to congregate in every gimmick place (disco houses, bars, coffee shops, etc.) around town. But, you see. There are also some who prefer not to go out. Instead, they would stay in their houses and celebrate. Sex, booze, drugs and so on. Name it. They do it in their homes!

"It is essential to college life", my friend says. Yeah, riiiiight! Tell that to my parents.

So last night, my neighbors decided to celebrate and parteeh. Their pimped motorcycles boomed with party music – Paradiso Girls, Pitbull, and my gad, even the batchu batchu of the Wondergirls. Their tables were filled with food and drinks – Red horse, Tanduay, and Angelica’s The Bar. Tagay sa kanan. Tagay sa kaliwa.

Typical post-semestral college life.

Crap. And I just sat there. Alone. The number one loser.

And so while I sat outside our boarding house and watched them enviously from afar, lo and behold, drunken dude went straight to our fence and – voila – opened his zipper and out came this thing.

OMGSHT. He peed in our bush and right in front of me!

You f***ing bastard! Hey! I do understand that alcohol can cloud the judgment of partyphiles like you and make you unaware of the people around you but dude if you’re going to take a piss, do it in the confines of your own comfort room and not in public! Crap. And I forgot to tell you. Koya, you might want that stick of yours check out. Surgery, perhaps?

God, save the bush! And my eyes!

My Dear, Enunciate

2009-10-13T10:53:00.004+08:00

Guess what. I took my final exams in our Advance Software Engineering class last Saturday. I won't tell you how bad I did because I know for sure that I did really bad. But I ain't going to rant about the exam just yet.

You see. Sometimes, I do forget things – the worst part is not having a pen right before taking an exam. So right before I had to give in to misery, I had to buy a pen at a local convenience store right beside our college. I asked Inday for any available pen and asked her how much.

Inday said, “Sex, sir.”

“Ha? Ah, six.”

My dear, inasmuch as my species would want to hear indecent proposals from complete strangers, please enunciate properly so you won't be giving out the wrong signals, okey enday?

I knew it! My real mom did not come from a tribe!

2009-10-12T17:52:00.007+08:00

Back in the days when I was much younger – in the days when my life revolved around X-men, Popeye, and The Flinstones, my father used to tell me that they're not my real parents.

Of course, you wouldn’t doubt? You see. I was born white, with curly hair, and yes, I was a sumo wrestler stuffed in a baby's body – nine pounds to be exact. None of these traits are imprinted in my parents’ genes.

Later on, I found out that I also did not inherit their ability to sing. They love music. Music loves them. Mama can sing. Papa can sing. Brother can sing. All of my relatives can sing. Even our neighbors can sing. As for me, well, I despise music. Music feels the same way to me, too. Whenever they would sing with the videoke, I just sulk and lalala in the corner. I cannot sing. I never sang even a single note. I only sing when I’m constipated.

Mama and Papa also kept a piece of my brother’s umbilical cord in my brother’s album. My album, on the other hand, only showed pictures of me crying.

My father used to tell me that my real parents are from a certain tribe (which probably explains why I look this way). Sometimes, he would tell me that my parents are Badjao or T’boli or Manobo – depends on what tribal name that would come first in my father’s mind. My real mom, according to my father, left me at the pier. He said that one day my real mother will come back.

She never did.

As I matured, I knew that my father was only kidding. You see. Papa is sometimes crazy - only to the extent that he can throw out jokes like he means it.

I never listened to them, though. I am quite positive that I am their offspring - a product of their honeymoon in a hotel after the wedding. Even though I did not inherit my mother’s charm or her ability to sing, I am sure that I'm not Badjao nor am I T'boli. I AM YOUR SON. And there's no chance in the world that you just picked me up at the pier.

So mom, on your 52nd birthday today, let me greet you Happy Birthday! Even at 52, may asim ka pa rin. I love you.

I Know It's Raining Cats and Dogs Lately But Please Return My Underwear

2009-10-08T13:39:00.006+08:00

Although this blog can be viewed publicly, this post is sincerely dedicated to you and only you, my sweet and loving boardmate!

You see, I've been living in our boarding house for four years now and never did someone dare snatch my black Carter underwear. I know that it's raining cats and dogs lately, but please do return my black Carter underwear. And if you feel the sudden urge to return it, please do so by washing it first.

There. Ktnxbai.

Admiring Manong’s Testicular Fortitude

2009-10-07T15:16:00.007+08:00

Two weeks ago, I rode a pedicab along with two fine bebots going to downtown Dumaguete. I sat in front of these bebots and so I had 180-view of the entire pedicab. I noticed that the manong pedicab driver kept on staring at his mirror. At first, I thought that manong pedicab driver was just following the basic rules in traffic by looking in his rear-view mirror from time to time. Talk about responsible driving.

A few minutes gone by and, still, manong pedicab driver kept on staring - oftentimes with eyes glaring – until a hint of sarcastic smile drew in his face. Aha! Right then and there, I knew that there was something special about manong pedicab driver. Manong pedicab driver did not care about obeying traffic rules. Manong pedicab driver had chameleon-like eyes with one eye on the road and the other on the ladies. In fact, pervy manong pedicab driver was busy watching the ladies’ crotches all along! Well, at least, he wasn’t watching mine.

So, these two young ladies finally told pervy manong pedicab driver to stop near Chowking along Perdices Avenue. I didn’t mind as those two fine ladies went out of the pedicab. I had my eyes fixed on pervy manong pedicab driver. But pervy manong pedicab driver’s eyes were no longer fixed on the two bebots’ crotches. No. Pervy manong pedicab driver’s eyes – at that angle – were staring at the two bebots’ asses!

I just couldn’t help but admire you.

And so now that his eyes had nothing else to fix on but the road, pervy manong pedicab driver and I pressed on with our journey. Every second, every turn of the pedicab, and even every stare of pervy manong pedicab driver at me, was torture.

Pervy manong pedicab driver became mute. So did I. Suddenly in that 3 minute journey alone with my pervy manong pedicab driver, at last, he opened his mouth and began his ancient teachings. Of all things that manong pedicab driver and I could possibly discuss, manong pedicab driver talked about Oral Sex 101 and how busy he was watching those two unfortunate bebots. Pervy manong pedicab driver also talked about his sexploits.

You see, up to now, I still wonder why he ended up being manong pedicab driver. Pervy manong pedicab driver could have been a great teacher. As he discussed, I realized that not only he has chameleon-like eyes, he was also ambidextrous. With one hand driving the pedicab and the other demonstrating the actions done during S-E-X (Gad. He's as good as those friends I had, in terms of demonstrating, when we were still living in the slums.), pervy manong pedicab driver is, indeed, THE master of all masters.

I left the pedicab stunned. Never did I expect that my journey going to Jollibee was going to be a one hell of a ride. To you, oh great and all-knowing pervy manong pedicab driver and to the people of your kind, thank you for making my 10 minute pedicab ride truly memorable. I admire you and your testicular fortitude to flaunt your perversions in public. Really.

Thing I Do When Bored During Class

2009-10-06T11:59:00.006+08:00

Irony

2009-10-06T11:24:00.007+08:00

Define irony. Number 1 liquor brand making a signage of a sari-sari store, which has a name that supposedly implies the Word of Wisdom.

(Name of the store misspelled. Someone must had been effin' drunk.)

Lesson Numero Uno: Secure Your Blog

2009-10-05T16:09:00.005+08:00

So much for the posts from my previous blog site. To my avid hacker, congratulations for successfully infiltrating my host.

You have served your purpose very well. RIP.

Varying Hues of Motherhood

2009-10-05T12:01:00.001+08:00

Yesterday marked another milestone for three promising students of Dumaguete when they won in the poster making contest sponsored by the City Government of Dumaguete thru the City Social Welfare and Development Office and the City Family Week Steering Committee in celebration of the National Family Week with the theme “Si Nanay Matatag sa Lahat ng Bagay” at the Dumaguete Press Club Ground, Rizal Boulevard, Dumaguete City.

Basically the said activity aimed to give importance to the family as the basic unit of society. The participants from different Dumaguete high schools and the out-of-school youth also portrayed the importance of mothers and their influence in shaping and molding the children, the family, and ultimately the community.

So I was at the contest venue judging the works of these young Vincent Van Goghs when three art works caught my attention.

The entry of Mark Lester Nero from Silliman University depicted nanays‘ important role in protecting and providing basic needs of a child. Done in craypas, Mark creatively showed why mothers deserve to be called Ilaw ng Tahanan.

However, Mark’s entry was overshadowed by Erika Mayo’s artwork placing Mark in 3rd place, which proved that there are also promising artists from St. Paul’s University. Her entry, which was also done in craypas, creatively and artistically showed a simple masterpiece but can be interpreted to have a deep meaning on the subject matter. Erika’s own rendition of Mother and Son depicted that mothers are like mountains that provide protection, nourishment, and unconditional love.

Armi Martinez from Negros Oriental High School, on the other hand, grabbed the 1st place. Her winning entry showed that mothers are the real champions in every aspect in the family. From budgeting to household chores, mothers clearly have a great influence on the upbringing of a child and in the holistic growth of a family.

Armi, Erika, and Mark received a cash prize of Php 2000, 1500, and 1000, respectively. A consolation prize of Php 200 were also given to the rest of the winners. To the winners, congratulations and keep up the good work! Pa-cheese borgor naman kayo mga koya at mga ati.

A Brief Declaration of Love

2009-10-05T10:06:00.004+08:00

Well, whoever said patience is a virtue really knew their stuff, because this is exactly what will help you if you want someone back.

If you’re reading this, thanks for coming back. I love you.

I Never Thought I’d Get Too Much Attention

2009-10-05T10:04:00.000+08:00

That’s it. Now I’m overly concerned with receiving 100+ spam comments a day. So to my lovely spammers, I’m raising my hand with no intent to care what you say about me or to my posts.

This Time I Talk About Genesis and Apollo 11

2009-10-05T09:50:00.002+08:00

So I’m a 24-year old straight guy who happens to have one sibling. Top it off with me being the eldest; I make the perfect target of my mom to ask one of dreaded questions a son can expect from a fifty-something-already-retired mother — “When can I have a grandson?”

This happened a few weeks ago when my mom and I had a chat. It started with the usual hi-hello-how-are-you’s then boom-boom pow, mom came out with the question, “Anak, may anak ka na ba?”

I understand that parents — especially at that age — start to worry about the future of their children. Who wouldn’t? Middle-aged parents actually worry on how their children at a marrying age and with the skyrocketing testosterone and estrogen levels would live after they are gone. I also understand that by me being the eldest, it is only logical that I am the savior of our species – our kind – to spread the seeds of the Hernandez blood, the first man, the first handsome son to give them a grand child.

Ok. But first, let me get this straight. I do not want to get any indecent proposals after writing this post. I hope that’s clear to everybody (Although a part of me is wanting). Second is that I am not in a hurry. Yes. The idea to be tempted to have a child is easy. Making a child is even easier. But raising a child? Well, that’s a different ball game. But with nearly half of my friends already having thoughts on having their own families or have a child already, that’s pressure. “Hey, when are you getting married?” “L.A., will I be invited to your wedding.” “L.A. the clock is ticking, where is it?” “L.A., are you impotent?” L.A. here, L.A. there. You know, being bombarded with these questions sometimes scare the shit out of my Willy Wonky.

Why? Well, let’s dive in first to the possibilities on how the twenty-four-year-old-L.A.-under-pressure-with-balls-shaking can have a child. The most common but probably the “stupidest” possibility is what Ade Magnaye calls paid relationship. Prostitutes! Really. But come to think of it, I don’t want to have a child with some prostitute. Do you? I don’t. I do not want to play with my child while my prostitute-slash-wife smokes like there’s no tomorrow while I scratch the intolerable itch I got after making my Apollo 11 glide through the vast intergalactic space commonly known as the female reproductive organ of a prostitute. Hell, no!

And then there’s surrogacy — to impregnate someone and give the offspring to somebody. Dammit! I am not a sperm bank!

Third possibility is to have someone agree with me to have a child minus the wedding bells and the commitment. At first, this sounds ohhh-summm but later on, I’m gonna have a problem with child custody and the legitimacy of the child – not to mention the complicatedness of my relationship with the f-buddy.

[Other possibilities removed because it might scare the hell out of my future wife.] :p

So mom if you are reading this, please don’t expect to have a grandchild soon. I assure you that I am straight and I do have plans to have my own family. This is just not the right time. In 10 years max, you will see your little apo play around my house, eat your delicious baked macaroons, and listen to your bedtime stories you once told me. Patience is a virtue.

And to the girl who will provide me with a child in the future, Apollo 11 doesn’t have a problem. So there. Rawr!

This happened a few weeks ago when my mom and I had a chat. It started with the usual hi-hello-how-are-you’s then boom-boom pow, mom came out with the question, “Anak, may anak ka na ba?”

Ok. But first, let me get this straight. I do not want to get any indecent proposals after writing this post. I hope that’s clear to everybody (Although a part of me is wanting). Second is that I am not in a hurry. Yes. The idea to be tempted to have a child is easy. Making a child is even easier. But raising a child? Well, that’s a different ball game. But with nearly half of my friends already having thoughts on having their own families or have a child already, that’s pressure. “Hey, when are you getting married?” “L.A., will I be invited to your wedding.” “L.A. the clock is ticking, where is it?” “L.A., are you impotent?” L.A. here, L.A. there. You know, being bombarded with these questions sometimes scare the shit out of my Willie Wonky.

Why? Well, let’s dive in first to the possibilities on how the twenty-four-year-old-L.A.-under-pressure-with-balls-shaking can have a child. The most common but probably the stupidest possibility is what Ade Magnaye calls paid relationship. Prostitutes! Really. But come to think of it, I don’t want to have a child with some prostitute. Do you? I don’t. I do not want to play with my child while my prostitute-slash-wife smokes like there’s no tomorrow while I scratch the intolerable itch I got after making my Apollo 11 glide through the vast intergalactic space commonly known as the female reproductive organ of a prostitute. Hell, no!

And then there’s surrogacy — to impregnate someone outside of marriage and give the offspring to somebody. Dammit! I am not a sperm bank!

[Other possibilities removed because it might scare the hell out of my future wife.] :p

So mom if you are reading this, please don’t expect to have a grand child soon. I assure you that I am straight and I do have plans to have my own family. This is just not the right time. In 10 years max, you will see your little apo play around my house, eat your delicious baked macaroons, and listen to your bedtime stories you once told me. Patience is a virtue.

And to the girl who will provide me with a child in the future, Apollo 11 doesn’t have a problem. Rawr!

I Was About to Make Love in the Toilet But Shit Smiled at Me Share

2009-10-05T09:46:00.003+08:00

Did it ever…

Hold on, pervs. Sorry. No sex involved. Continue.

So did it ever happen to your miserable lives in the toilet that you are so full from a heavy lunch that you needed to release your anger in the toilet then all of a sudden, your 36-24-36 board mate’s floating shit smiled and said, “Hi, honey. There’s still room for ya. Wanna join?”

F**k! Like I’m gonna dump my crispy pata in the clogged toilet!

This happened to me yesterday when my a-hole was just about to explode mercilessly right after my boardmate used our CR and unloaded her sweet-smelling-oh-so-yummy choc’late coco puffs.

Fuu@!$?#$:”*&+

Okay, I’m calm. Really. I am.

But for the love of whoever or whatever god you may have in your Nursing life, pleeeeease, dimwit, flush the toilet! And by the way if we happen to use the comfort room at the same time (Don’t worry I won’t look. I’ll just bite.), let me introduce you to our toilet buddy – the TRASH CAN. Darling, that’s why people made those so you can throw your sanitary napkins there.

Congratulations, baby! At least you’ve earned my attention. Now, I’ve got my eyes on you.

And since we’re talking about toilets, here’s a video I took inside Ocean Jet.

Confessions of an Admirer of Fat

2009-10-05T09:22:00.000+08:00

I am guilty.

I love women who can outstandingly bring the best out of themselves despite their size with chunks of flab and all. This was another epiphany brought by talking to a friend who is about to get married to someone who is, uhmm, fat. So I’m not like any other guy who falls for Olive Oyl or has a thing with women who have bodies made for the billboards in EDSA. Now, is there a problem?

Sadly, our society today instilled in our minds what an ideal woman should be. From cover magazines to TV advertisements, a woman who is thin, probably with blond hair, ginormous breasts, 6 footer, fair complexion, is considered to be beautiful and because the society placed this standard, a lot of women nowadays go on a diet, buy beauty products, or worse, do plastic surgery – a complete physical makeover. A living Frankenstein, as I like to call them.

Look. I have nothing against these women who go on plastic surgery or who go on a diet or who buy beauty products. Really. I don’t. The fact that these women have seen their self-established flaws apart from what they see on TV or in the magazine and by acknowledging these flaws and the very fact that they are doing something about it, well, you just have to admire them. At least these women have the balls to do something about it. It’s not wrong to want to feel good. Everybody wants to feel good. Even myself wants to feel good.

I’m just bothered why other women should conform to this standard, why some women mourn over their excess weight after eating a few boxes of chocolate, why some women frantically worry about their zits and why they need to spend thousands of moolah just to be “ideal” — to look “perfect” for others.

The world is a big place and not everybody is the same. For every shape and size, there’s got to be someone who will find it attractive. Being fat or being chubby is not entirely an imperfection. In fact, I love them. I love being loved by them. I love to cuddle them. I love their chunks of flab. I love the warmth of their embrace. I just love fat women. My point here is simple. It doesn’t matter if you or other people think you are fat or chubby or whatever you/they want to call it.

It’s the confidence that exudes in every fat woman that makes them truly attractive.

Why, Hello There, October! Thanks, September, for Ondoy!

2009-10-05T09:17:00.001+08:00

I guess you’re wondering why I had to thank September for Ondoy. Believe me. I was wondering myself why I had to at first. I’m not going to join the bandwagon found around the Philippine blogosphere about posts talking about how devastated they were during the freakin’ typhoon nor write about who’s to be blamed nor write about how to survive a croc attack during a flood. No. I’m through with that. I already swamped my Twitter account with calls for donations, rants, raves and other stuff about Ondoy (including the croc in Pasig and Jacque). I gave away my used clothings, gave away my one day’s budget for food to Globe Telecom, and even slashed my budget intended for a short vacation 2 weeks from now. Shit. Maybe I should consider running for public office instead. Anyway like I said, I’ve even done my share of pointing fingers and laughing at our lousy government officials, praising GMA for her relenting effort and unquestionable desire to help the poor and the needy, and etcetera.

While I was being patriotic and at the same time thought how Ondoy f*cked up the lives of my countrymen, I still have to thank Mother Nature for Ondoy. Call me crazy or insensitive or whatever you may want to call me but, if we can only take a look on the lighter side of things, we can see that despite this epic tragedy, there are lessons to be learned – lessons, in which everybody must learn from.

So, Ondoy, here’s a tribute to you. Because of you, at least, I:

Have seen how great and noble our politicians are in times of crisis. Machinery. Financial resources. Man power. And even the GUTS to campaign during this time. Politicians never fail to amuse me;
Realized that the taxes I pay were able to buy a dozen rubber boats. Good job, Gibo! For heading a NATIONAL council, a dozen rubber boats were truly enough to cover the places that were affected by Ondoy. Many people were saved because of your rubber boats! Gibo for president;
Applauded GMA’s unquestionable desire to help the poor and the needy at the height of the typhoon. Thank you for always being there for them;
Learned that hell hath no fury like Mother Nature scorned;
Affirmed that Vincent Van Gogh was right when he said that “Great things are not done by impulse, but by a series of small things brought together”;
Learned to appreciate every small random act of kindness;

These being said, I’ll end my blabbering by leaving you guys with a statement from an American who lives here in country who witnessed how Filipinos rise from this tragedy.

“I wish you all could see the amazing community spirit, charity and compassion in the Phils. What I see happening here totally blows away the response to hurricane Katrina. People here have less to give, yet they’re giving ABUNDANTLY. There’s such a greater story than just the ‘death toll’ that the lame american media fails to capture.”